Peace everyone! I’m back and feeling GOOD! I hope everyone is enjoying Season 1 of The Journey Interviews: Falling In Love With The Journey! As a reminder, each Monday you will get to hear from me as I interview individuals within our melanated community about their journey 2 self.
Visit the links below to see episodes 1-3. As always, check out the nonprofit that I founded, J2S, and be sure to donate. Now, lets discuss the importance of restarting.
The Meaning
“It is my personal belief that there will be several times in which one has to hit the restart button in order to reach a particular point or destination in their journey.”
Restarting: the act of starting over. Many people frown upon the concept of restarting. They see it as a failure or an indication that something isn’t working. The negative concept of restarting can be extremely limiting during the journey of healing and becoming your true self. It is my personal belief that there will be several times in which one has to hit the restart button in order to reach a particular point or destination in their journey. Prior to this self aware version of me, I struggled with my body image. Mainly because I was one of those young, melanin rich, kids that was told how beautiful she was for a darker toned person. Those half ass compliments and other colorist comments from people (even relatives) started my foundation of self questioning. Did my complexion tie into my physical beauty? Who actually determines what is beautiful? How did they get that authority?
Unfortunately, as a child, I had no one to really answer those questions. As I entered adulthood I set my own standards for what beauty was and sadly, one part of that standard focused heavily on body weight. As a college student I was determined not to gain the so called “freshmen 15” because I wanted to remain "fine". You can probably imagine the mental strife I experienced after having my first child at 21 and seeing my body immediately “snap back” only to experience PCOS a year later. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (aka my terrible ass diet and lack of self awareness) had me gaining weight, becoming more self conscious and detaching further away from myself during the ages of 23 to 26.
The Beautiful Truth
Beauty seemed so far fetch at 185 pounds. I’m sure I’m queuing some eye rolls because during that time so many women were thinking I was crazy for thinking that was an unhealthy weight, however, for me, it was. I engrossed myself in research because I did not want to take the prescription drugs the doctors were giving for PCOS and at 26, that self taught knowledge allowed me to reverse my PCOS and see the 160s in weight. I then started this cycle of restarting an exercise regimen. Every time I set a goal, rather it was to lose 5 pounds or 10, I never quite seemed to stick to the workouts and/or the diet (mainly because of self trust issues but that deserves it’s own post). With each restart I was unnecessarily hard on myself. An unhealed mind can easily see restarts as failures. I’m incredibly grateful for growth because I now know that beauty is not measured in pounds. Beauty is not dictated by filters, make up, wardrobe, etc. Beauty is completely inside. What we hold within us (our values, beliefs, truths, experiences, self connection) will outwardly reflect our light/beauty.
Fast-forward to Today
“There is so much beauty in restarting.”
Now, as I approach age 30, beauty is a vibration. It’s a frequency or energy that I can actually feel. I can easily find beauty in all people and things, especially myself. It’s the best feeling in the world to know the type of knowledge and legacy I am pouring into my bloodline. There is so much beauty in restarting. Restarting a workout commitment, restarting a diet change, restarting a course, restarting a song, restarting a goal, restarting your journey, etc. Understand that every restart does not have to mimic the prior one. Maybe this new start includes different people, different goals, different motivators. Knowing that you are worth restarting for allows you to be able to remove any self doubt or guilt. Knowing that self doubt and guilt comes from suppressed internal issues (such as my poor foundation of what beauty was as a child) highlights the work that needs to be done.
While the topics of my blogs change, one recurring theme is that it is a must that we each put in the individual work of reflecting on our past in order to journey towards our future. The goal here is to see the true you, heal and then boldly experience the beauty of your present day. With the world heavily directing the story of beauty, success and standards right now, it’s the perfect time to stop and step away. It’s the perfect time to realize that the standards you are holding yourself to are not even yours. It’s an even better time to rewrite your story and restart your journey with your own beauty guiding the way. J2S is currently airing season 1 of The Journey Interviews: Falling In Love With The Journey. Your homework is to watch the latest episodes and then follow J2S on Facebook and Instagram to see episode 4 which drops Monday, 11/22.
As always, I’m rooting for you and your journey!
Until next time,
Uniquely Aniqua