Peace! This week we are going to get intimate as we discuss sex and the foundation behind it. Be sure to catch up on my previous post and know that you have my support as you become inspired to start your healing journey.
What is sex?
“I place no blame because parenthood is a job that does not have a set handbook or clear step by step guide.”
How old were you when your parents gave you, “the talk”? 15? 17? Were you similar to me and had that responsibility fall on the parent you resided with the most? If so, there may be a 50% chance you never received the talk. Growing up, my mom told me not to have sex but we never discussed what sex was. I figure she was busy maintaining and wanting the best for me that the discomfort of the talk and maybe her reflecting on the fact that she never received the talk from her mom, was simply too much. I place no blame because parenthood is a job that does not have a set handbook or clear step by step guide. However, I do encourage all of my readers to have a sex talk with your seeds and any other child you have a nurturing relationship with.
Defining Sex
I love both of my parents more than words can describe. I’m grateful to still have my dad alive and well and I'm grateful to be guided my mom’s spirit as I continue my journey. But, the truth remains that I never had the sex talk - Unless you consider the stories from peers, friends, relatives, media and just life experiences overall. If you are apart of the 1 out of every 4 girls or 1 out of every 6 boys who is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, then your idea of sex could be even more complicated. So here I am, 29 years old- mother of an 8 year old goddess, 2 year old goddess, legal guardian of a 16 year old goddess, married for 6 years and I finally had a REAL sex talk with myself. Yes, I knew what the actual act of sex was prior to the talk but, I never addressed the elephants in the room. This time the talk was actually a real talk. A face off between my preconceived notion of sex and my own personal definition of sex.
This delayed shadow work started with me having to revisit my first encounter with sex. The pain, discomfort and confusion needed to be addressed in order for me to reveal to myself the affects of being sexually abused as a child. After many breaks, frequent hydration, cleansing tears, personal forgiveness, and forgiveness of others; my shadow work ended with me no longer allowing trauma to be the root of my definition of sex. I often find myself having to check trauma at the door. During my teen/dating years, I was selecting unavailable boys based on my traumatic interpretation that sex can sometimes involve people that it shouldn’t. Many of us do not realize how our life experiences are reflected in the people we date. If you are with someone that is not fulfilling your emotional needs, spiritual needs, mental needs and/or physical needs that means that you are with someone who is unavailable. Instead of trying to fix him or her (which is something only they can do), I urge you to fix you. Start by reflecting on your definition of sex and where you gained that definition from.
The Underlying Message
“ Teach yourself and your legacy to see the spiritual, emotional and mental components within definitions.”
Fatefully, the soul that my soul is infatuated with decided he was committed to not only loving my light and my shadow, but loving himself just as much. I’ve learned that healthy love can not exists until both individuals have learned how to love their self first. My sex talk also taught me that sex should not be seen as just an act. If you do not currently have your own definition of sex, take a moment to reflect on what you want it to mean and create your definition. Make sure that the person you engage with fits within that definition. Release the past, cleanse your body and your aura of old decisions. It’s never too late to begin again! It’s not about when healing happens, but that it happens. Now that I have healed, I am able to have comfort and the appropriate education and mindset needed to sit down and talk with the young goddesses that I care for.
If you do not walk away from this post with anything, please hold on to the fact that it’s imperative that we as adults empower our children to define sex by their own definitions and detach from the toxic definitions found in trendy music, movies, media and traumas. Teach yourself and your legacy to see the spiritual, emotional and mental components within definitions. It’s also important that we OVER protect children from unhealed individuals who may attempt to impose their concepts onto them. We do this by educating our children, J2S Please Ask campaign will soon be a great resource. The Work
Your homework for this week is to reflect on your intimate relationships. Are the individuals that you share yourself with actually deserving of this bond? What are you receiving in return, on a spiritual level? If you do not know where to begin in your journey to connecting to your true self, please reach out to me via the contact section at the bottom of J2S website to schedule a private one on one.
Until next time,
Uniquely Aniqua